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“But grant me this one request," she said. "Give me two months to roam the hills and weep with my friends, because I will never marry." – Judges 11:37.

“The One.” “Soul mate.” “Significant Other.” These phrases inundate our popular culture, and the reason is simple: our society is obsessed with romantic relationships. There are several schools of thought regarding the onset of this phenomenon.

Were Adam and Eve obsessed with each other?

Probably so. In Genesis 3:16, after Eve is beguiled by the serpent into eating the forbidden fruit, and then having Adam do the same, the Lord cursed her: “... and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

Love - a curse? Of course not!

However, there are probably a great number of frustrated singles out there who say that dating definitely seems like a curse sometimes! The age-old traditions of meeting, wooing, cooing, and coupling have evolved over time, and the methods of finding one’s “better half (wow - another annoying phrase)” have been updated, but the desired end result often remains the same: frustration.

The Problem

One of the major issues with being single and Christian is that people often have this perception that the bible tells us to “be fruitful and multiply.” Well, the Lord does say this to Noah, but since none of us are trying to re-populate the earth following a recent catastrophic flood, that train of thought does not solely validate society’s view that unattached people are somehow not as happy, accomplished, or complete as those who are in a committed relationship. Actually, scripture shows us that God uses this phrase about nine times in Genesis alone, so its context should not be ignored.

The Media

The filmed image is a powerful force, and movies and television have long been a filter through which specific populations, including single people, are misrepresented. Most television shows and movies about single people make no qualms about the central plot conflict: there is usually one lone outcast among a group of sophisticated friends: the single guy or gal. Of course the episodes typically revolve around the main character and his/her trials and tribulations as they attempted to cure their dreadful condition: being single. The structures of these shows were typically thus: “Jonathan is single…we have to fix him up with someone!” The woman would be severely flawed in some way (minor or major), so Jonathan would break up with her, be berated by his friends for being “too picky,” and would then regain his strength, in order to date yet another beautiful starlet in the next episode.

Like television, countless movies have been made about the torturous lives we single people live. In fact, there is an entire genre devoted to people who go to great lengths, enduring vast distance and adversity, all in order to be rid of this disease called being single: the romantic comedy. Successful romantic comedies, which are commonly, but incorrectly referred to as “chick flicks,” typically revolve around getting together two people that the audience is overwhelmingly convinced should and will be together, thus ending their lives of sad, pathetic loneliness.

But why should this be? What is so wrong with being single? Does the bible preach against it? Not really. Do scripture renounce it as being an aberrant lifestyle? Not at all. Weren’t we all single once in our lives? Absolutely!

In fact, some Biblical scholars believe that, in at least one instance, the Bible actually argues against marriage. As Paul states in 1 Corinthian, Chapter 7, verse 7, “I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” Paul seems to be stating that if all men were single, as he is, their devotion to God would be that much stronger, not being diluted by the distraction of having wives. He does acknowledge, however, that each man has “his own gift from God,” which is understood to mean sexual desire, and that being celibate may be far too challenging for most.

Finding Your Mate in the New Millennium – Even More Fun!

Technology has made matchmaking electronic. Now, rather than your attached friends and relatives trying to hook you up, you go shopping for a mate. This is a strange phenomenon: it is like the singles’ bars of the 70s (I’m guessing), combined with the personal ads craze of the 80s (again, guessing), added to the “meat market” club scene of the 90s (witnessed).

Most of these websites ask for a picture, ask a variety of in-depth, annoyingly probing questions, and provide plenty of space for a person to write as many words necessary to make themselves as attractive as possible to the opposite sex. Most even ask about spiritual and/or religious preferences (options such as “agnostic” and “atheist” are present as well), but it seems like a mere afterthought. The questions regarding religion and spirituality come in towards the end, after questions regarding income, physical appearance, wants, needs, desires, and almost everything else. These questions serve as a screening process, and allow members to get to exactly what they want, so if you want someone who is 7ft 2in tall, makes $200, 000, and loves “long walks on the beach,” these are the “must haves” that you would put down.

The Christian sites have many of these search terms, but also ask how regularly one reads the bible and attends church. These are important things for a Christian person to know when trying to decide whom to date. I think with this one added bonus, these are slightly easier for Christian singles seeking someone with a similar belief about something so integral to their lives. For as 2 Corinthians 6:4 states, “ Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” Roughly translated, “Do not marry someone who does not love the Lord; what do the people of God have in common with the people of sin? How can light live with darkness?"  How, indeed.

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